So here I am on my first nite in Thailand.  I had recommendations to go the Patpong nite market which also doubles as a spot for go-go bars, sandwich massage places, and the infamous ping pong show.  I originally heard about the ping pong shows from doug stanhope’s comedy act.  I’m not talking about his stint on ‘The Man Show’, but when he was a kickass comic that wasn’t censored by the man.  Anyways, the nite market is pretty kewl and you can buy just about anything you want.  I walked around for a while by the time I wanted a beer and I found myself going to check out the show (girls who had been there before also recommended that I check it out, so it’s not just a dirty guy thing).  A nice little guy took me upstairs where the stage was set to see the vagina shows.  I call it vagina to add class and maturity instead of pussy.  There were many couples and groups of guys in there, but since I was alone the performers hounded me on their breaks.  They wanted drinks, tips, and for me to take them home. 

Darts & balloons – this was a simply amazing way to start the show.  The girl laid down on her back and shot blow darts at 3 balloon several feet away.  She hit the first 2 on the first try, but I guess the vagina was getting tired, because it took several tries on the last balloon.  The crowd was behind her & cheered her on.  3 patrons were holding the balloons.

Bells – this girl pulled out a string of bells from the vagina.  It was about 7 feet long when she pulled it out.  There were several more shows with this concept including ribbons and other items. 

Hello – I couldn’t tell what the girl had in her vagina, but she was squatting in slowly gyrating.  Here are the results that were not requested by me:

i think it's actually good penmanship.

Cigarettes – I had seen this before in mexico…basically she smoked a cig w/ her vag.

Birthday Candles – the girl laid on her back and used a blow dart tube to blow out candles from a healthy distance.

Egg – she stuck an egg in her vagina, laid on the floor stomach down, and moved her hips up and down to crack it.  She stood up above a cup and dropped the yoke in from a distance of 2 feet.

Chopsticks/ring – this was probably the best of ‘em all.  She put a pair of chopsticks in her vagina, and used them to pick up rings and place them on top of a bottle, similar to the ring toss at a carnival. 

Banana – this is where she puts a banana in her vagina and does a little show.  At the end of the show she shoots the banana out.  It went into the crowd in my direction.  We all ducked and covered as it bounced of the bench.  Simply yucky.

Ping pong – time for more crowd participation.  Yours truly got pulled to the stage because I was alone and had bought this particular girl a drink.  I had also told them that I was her for this show and was going to leave after.  I tried to get out of it, but they handed me a ping pong paddle.  That was much better than just having her shoot them at me.  I could now defend.  She placed one ball in at a time and shot them at me from ~4 feet away.  The first couple balls I hit back in her direction, but for the next few I decided to hit them in the crowd.  I tagged a girl in the neck with ball.  That was disgusting for her, but funny for everyone else. 

I stuck around for the above shows, but not every one that was offered on their list, because I only wanted to see the ping pong show because of doug Stanhope and the legend of it all.  It was the last one I saw, but there were other trick vagina stunts, but I had seen what I came for and bounced. 

In conclusion, everybody should go witness this type of thing because it’s simply impressive.